Materialists: The Tides have Turned

There is a mutiny afoot on the social internet. Everywhere one looks, there is chaos.

Modern legend in the making, Celine Song, has made her sophomore feature a more public affair by dropping the trailer for the film, Materialists, that this author swears she had a dream about in September of 2023. Amidst the enviable silk sheets of a wealthy man who looks eerily similar to one of the hottest (and hottest) actors out here right now, Dakota Johnson's looking a little too conflicted.

Her Ex, Chris Evans, is in the picture. He dropped his phone in a blender at one point.

However, in true and regular fashion, the internet seems to have made up its mind - the choice is clear, and any choice other than Rich!Pedro is simply beyond suspension of disbelief. Some have even said that the character would have to be a serial killing baby murderer to be in any way comparable. Some people have taken the inverse approach, bringing into question why anyone would pick Chris Evans - it seems they are inferring "even in real life", which is a bit harsh.

I'm old enough to remember when we lived in a world where, frankly, this would not have been the conversation. Take me back 10, even 5 years ago, and the 'Obvious Choice' would have been entirely the other way around. The number of 'Hear me outs' and 'Lovable Pathetic Blorbo' discussions that would have been had would have driven those of us with taste beyond our wits. What do you mean? He's just a guy - Pedro's the guy. We would have been met with the soft-hearted, soft-spoken responses of our peers, desperate not to have anything to do with the Hispanic adonis on the up and up, and content to relax into the status quo that is Captain America.

My how the turn tables.

Fandom is not without its issues, and it's not without its Racisms, and Xenophobias. We have not escaped any of it, I am certain, and it soon threatens to get worse once more, I am sure. However - I can sit with my Latine siblings and chuckle, quite loudly, at this unfathomable turn of events. How did we get here? (Please, I'm begging, comment down below).

This is a cultural change that must be acknowledged - the white girls have gone woke. They want the guy named Pedro, not the guy named Chris. They want the self-insert beautiful woman straight out of a Nora Ephron movie to end up with the broad-shouldered, soft-eyed, wealthy and chill Harry Castillo, not Mr. Disaster The Bear lookin' ass Blender Phone. What.

And here's the thing - they're going to be disappointed. We all know this, we know the rhythm. Dakota's going home with Chris (Evans in the film, Martin IRL).

Materialists has no room to be practical - 'Past Lives' was the practical love story, and it feels as if Celine wants to Zig here, which I love, but which will leave the entire internet aflame, and potentially ignite, god forbid, discourse. Maybe even a "We're being brainwashed into being with bums because the birth rate's declining" type brain-rotted retort.

Regardless of what happens within Materialists, this cultural shift is a massive one, and tickles me greatly, yes. I shall inevitably have more to say about it as time goes on. I am also almost due for my bi-annual 'What the hell is going on with Pedro Pascal and why do I love it so' feature for OBSCURAE, so be prepared for that near the middle of the summer, once he's at the height of his powers.